Oh Baby!

First off let me just apologize for the shots of my undies, but everytime my mom took a pic I was wearing a dress or a nightgown.

So within the past two weeks by belly has gotten huge! Well maybe not that huge but to me it is a significant difference. Sunday I woke up and began getting ready for work, and nothing fit me! My tops are too small because of my boobs, my pants are too tight because of my belly; what's a girl to do? So Monday mama and auntie M took me shopping for some new clothes. Unfortunately, there are not many options out there to choose from that are reasonably priced. However, I was able to find an item that I simply cannot live without: SKINNY JEANS!!! Yes, that's right I got my preggo skinny jeans and they are a size 8! This little momma is NOT getting fat for any reason other than the peanut. Today I bought a new top to wear to work, too. My search will continue to find cute maternity clothes that still allow me to look like the cool, rockin' hot mama that I intend to be.

On the Baby Daddy front, I am torn between asking him for help and just telling him to piss off. The mature and reasonable side of me knows that I am going to need his help. And I know that he will help me. However, our relationship is going to have to be treated like a business agreement. He doesn't seem to understand me or anything about me, so I am buying notebooks to keep track of everything he gives me, communicates to me, ect. I am printing out budgets and itemized lists of everything I need. Hopefully he will be able to understand me a little bit better when it's broken down and shown as a business proposal. We will see. I haven't seen him since the last appointment, and I have one next week. This will be the last one he attends with me.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week! Next week I find out what the baby's sex hopefully!

The Great Wax Adventure Brought to You by the Best Week EVER!!!

I'm going to go on record by saying that I have quite possibly some of the worst luck known to man. Nothing ever seems to go my way. Until recently...This past week my luck seems to have turned around. I don't want to jinx myself, but I finally feel like things may be looking up for me and my little baby. First, I went to the Social Security office and actually only spent a total of 15 minutes in the black hole of our government agencies. For those of you who have had the great misfortune of having to go to the Social Security office for anything, you know that this can be an all day adventure. I needed a replacement social security card, and thankfully it only took me 15 minutes to accomplish this task. And it only took 2 days to receive the replacement card.

The next day, I woke up early and went to the Department of Social Services to apply for Medicaid. Now, I have insurace but it isn't the greatest. I know that I could not afford to have a baby with my insurance. Not to mention that I work my ass off and pay taxes. I have every right to take advantage of the federal programs offered to those who just can't afford to do it on their own. Anyhow, this task can also take all day to complete from what I understand. However, I was in and out of that office in an hour. And 4 days later, I received my Medicaid card.

The complicated car situation is on it's way to an end as well. The bank will hopefully approve and close on my auto loan on Monday. I was able to negotiate the car dealer down to the price I needed in order to get the loan, too. It made me feel so powerful and adult-like! So hopefully next week my mom can have her car back and I will finally have my own again!!!

Now on to the Great Wax Adventure:
Wednesday I had my first wax appointment...brazilian wax. See, I have decided that there is no way in hell I am going to be able to keep it nice and neat when I have a big huge belly. So I've decided that waxing would be the best solution to this problem. I showed up and Jaycee (waxing extraordinaire) took me back to her room. She was super nice and made me feel at ease, but I will say it was not the most comfortable thing in the world to go through. I dropped my drawers and climbed onto the table. There were stirrups just like at the doctor's office that I put my feet in. And then the process began...and let me say it was a little more painful than I remembered. Thankfully, Jaycee is quick. We talked about the baby and work while she ripped away. Fifteen minutes and I was cleaned up. Apparently I will have to go back in 3-4 weeks and then I will be on a 6 week regimen. And while it was a little painful, I know I won't have to deal with the headache of shaving. Not to mention it will help me prepare for childbirth. If I can make it through a brazilian, then I can make it through labor.

Independence Can be a Lonely Road

This I promise (or will try to promise) will be my one and ONLY sappy sad blog. However, I feel it is important to write and reflect on this issue, so you can skip if you would like. While being a Modern Mama is completely liberating and empowering, it can be a lonely road. Yes I have my wonderful family and ever-so supportive friends, but I will admit I miss having a man around. I've realized I need some help doing things now that I could do on my own before. I tried to hang curtain rods the other day and came to the conclusion that I probably shouldn't be climbing up and down the couch in my condition. There is some work that is just plain Man work. But the obvious things like helping out and companionship aside, I wish I had someone around to experience all of this with me. The growing belly, the hunger attacks, to tell me it's ok that I'm getting bigger and bigger everyday, ect... It's hard being a Modern Mama. However, that being said; I am still happy with my decision. I feel peaceful and stress-free for the most part and I know if I was in a relationship with Baby Daddy I would not be in that frame of mind.

Onto bigger news...my dear friend Mandy gave me some of her bras from her early days and I was completely shocked when I was able to fit comfortably in them. Shocked because they are a size 34DD!!!!! HOLY MOLEY!!! And the scary thing is that are going to continue to grow. These bad boys aren't finished yet. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I guess there is nothing I can do. Now, most women would be excited about this new development, but I on the other hand am not. I like wearing a medium to small sized shirt. None of my tops fit anymore, growing belly aside. But I guess that's just one of the many "perks" of being pregnant.

Well off to try to accomplish more "man work." Wish me luck!

Growing Growing Gone!

Is it even possible that in the week since my last post my belly has grown bigger? I do believe it is my friends. My favorite stretchy skinny jeans no longer button up folks. I cried. It was a very sad day in my world. I tried the belly band with them, but it wasn't very comfortable. It was a little too tight and the band kept coming up in the back when I would sit down and stand up. So needless to say in the next month I will be in need of some new clothes. And thanks to my dear friend Nikki, I have been informed that Forever 21 now carries maternity clothes!!! I am so happy to hear this information because the clothes are cheap, trendy and don't make you feel like a giant tent. The problem with maternity clothes is that they are pretty pricey, and they are not the most stylish clothes. Everything is either plain and boring or has a sash that ties in a bow on it. Screams "Hot Mama" doesn't it? Not to mention I do not want to pay 60 bucks for a pair on pants or a top that I'm only wearing for like 4 months. I have found some other cute clothes online, but I'm trying to put off buying clothes as long as I can. However, by the looks of it that won't be much longer.

My belly is not the only thing growing. My boobs are the biggest they have EVER been. I don't even know what to do with these things. They hurt all the time. I can't run, I can't wear certain bras, and I'm overflowing the cuppage in my bras that do fit comfortably. Although I will say, I'm tempted to take a picture of them. That way if they look horrible after the peanut is born, I can save up and I know what I want them to look like. Apparently they will only grow more as I get further along. AHHH!!! I don't know if I can handle anymore growth!

Sorry to keep this one short and sweet but I have a puppy to take for a walk. There will be more tomorrow!

Where the Hell Did That Come From?!

Overnight people...it came from nowhere. One day I had a flat stomach that I worked my ass off for and BOOM!...now there is a slightly rounded bump. Ok, it's not slightly...it's a pretty decent size. At first I thought is was just bloatedness from the Taco Bell (yeah, yeah I know but don't judge me) I ate two nights ago, but yesterday when I stood up it was hard as a rock. That's not gas, that's a baby. Needless to say Modern Mama has been looking into more maternity bottoms.

Back to the Taco Bell comment from above. Lately, since my appetite has picked up, I have noticed that whenever someone talks about a particular food or brings it around me, I start to crave it. Scratch that, I NEED it! Case in point, Tuesday night at work I had like three different conversations with people where they were talking about pizza. Now I had already packed my yummy healthy dinner of baked chicken, green beans, and home made mac-&-cheese (thank you mama for the recipe). But that looked like dog food compared to the deliciousness of gooey cheese, garlicky crust, and delightful mushrooms. I ate my healthy dinner, but I ate it for lunch. And since the little bugger inside burns everything I eat off so quickly, I was starving when I got home. So what did I do? Your damn right....I ordered pizza. It was delicious until my stomach began to hurt. I remembered why I don't usually eat pizza, the cheese makes my tummy hurt. Same thing with Taco Bell. My friend had it the other night, and I immediately felt that it was something I had to have. No more I tell you! I don't want to hear anymore about what people are eating!!! I must remain healthy...I mean I hate fast food. But apparently my baby thinks it scrumptious.

Back to the Grind

Well 4th of July weekend came and went and I had a blast. Met some cool new people, hung out with my Matty, and had a great 4th with Daniela and her family. And now it's back to the grind...

Took my ass to the gym today and this mamasita is determined to go at least 4 days a week. Now before any of you can comment, my doctor and the Bible both say that 4 days is safe for the peanut and good for me too. So that being said, I am ready! I refuse to have people think I'm fat and not pregnant! Not to mention I am NOT gaining more than what was recommended to me by my doctor. Let the resolution begin!

So within this past week I have begun to experience "growing pains" or as I like to call them "the cramps that feel like my insides are being ripped out." These are NOT FUN!!!! These lovely little aches are the result of the ligaments in my uterine muscles stretching. Sounds awesome huh? They always seem to hit me later in the evening too or when I'm out doing something. I have found the only relief comes from me laying down which I know is a good thing. I should be taking it easy and relaxing, but I have a problem. I can't sit still or just relax. I feel like I always have something to do, so I guess I'm going to have to start listening to my body and chill out. Plus I'm hoping the gym will help with them as well.

I have also started feeling like I have butterflies in my tummy. Now it may be in my head, but the Bible says that sometimes in the 4th month you start to feel fluttering in your stomach. The fluttering is the baby. It happens late at night or when I've been sitting still for a long period of time. Call me dramatic or call it wishful thinking, but I think my baby is moving around already quite a bit and I can feel it happening.

Well, that's it for now. Bowie is pawing at me to get off the computer and I have dinner to cook. I'm taking the professional's advice and taking it easy tonight!

Heartbeats, Kicking, and Drama...OH MY!

Well I'm back in good ole' North Carolina and while I missed my dear friends and family very much, I wish I was still in San Francisco. California was like my Neverland, if you will. I could be me and not worry about anything except what part of the city I wanted to explore that day or whether or not to have a croissant or oatmeal for breakfast. I was care-free and totally happy because there was no drama or stress to worry about. I was 2500 miles give or take from the BS of Wilmington. Alas, I had to return. Like Wendy, John, and Michael I could not stay in Neverland forever. We all must grow up and face the reality of our situation...BOO!!! Sometimes I really hate being an adult.
I digress. So yesterday I had my second dr. appointment and it was probably the longest I have ever spent in a medical office. Baby Daddy came along and that made for an awkward reunion, but the appointment itself went well. We had to divulge our deep and darkest secrets to a nurse who was very nice and smiley. More like I gave her all of my medical history (which I suspect surprised
Baby Daddy a little) and my family's medical history. I hope this kid inherits some good health genes. I am healthy as a horse but my family...not so much in the cardiovascular department. But I honestly believe that a lot of those issues can be controlled by diet and physical activity, and I plan on my child living a healthy lifestyle.
After what seemed life half my day in the nurse's office, I met Dr. #1 of the six that I will be seeing at my OB office. She was very nice and made several helpful suggestions to me. We then got to hear the heartbeat, and that was very surreal for me. The little peanut has a strong heartbeat thankfully. Then we heard it kicking! It's funny but aside from the exhaustion, nausea, and sore boobs, I never really feel pregnant until I go to the doctor. It's as if I don't believe it until I see the baby or hear it's little heartbeat. I can't wait until I can feel it moving or kicking. Then I will know it's definately real. Even Baby Daddy got excited about hearing peanut kick.
That being said, (and I will keep this real short) Baby Daddy and I are now on a need to know basis about the baby. My honesty about my expectations of our relationship did not sit well with him unfortunately. I have resolved, and I will teach my child the same philosophy, that it is not fair to sacrafice one's self or beliefs to make someone else happy. I love who I am. Yes, I may have some areas I need to work on, but overall I should not apologize for who I am. You cannot make anyone else happy until you are happy yourself, and I'm sticking to my guns on this subject.

Enough preaching!
This modern mama has some errands to run!